"Love Yourself" is Bad Advice

“Just love yourself,” they say. As if it was easy. As if you could undo and reprogram everything you’ve been taught—from the beginning—with a flip of switch. As if you could rewrite the script you’ve been rehearsing for years, and memorize an entirely new narrative overnight.

“Aha! You are soo right. Why didn’t I ever think of that?! Ha! Let me just looveeee myself.”

There’s this erroneous idea that loving yourself is a wildly easy thing you can access at any time, because at the core of your being—you’re love and light and blah blah blah.

While there may be good intent here, it’s not helpful. And frankly, it’s really just shitty advice that can further perpetuate feelings of ‘something is wrong with me.’

I’d like to share two truths that I hope feel like a warm hug:

First and most importantly, wherever you are in your journey, however you feel about yourself, rather you’re operating from self-love or self-hatred—nothings wrong with you.

You’re not broken if you don’t love yourself.

Secondly, loving yourself can be an intricate and difficult. As much as I wish it was an overly simplistic process; that you could just tell yourself you ‘love yourself,’ and then all of your insecurities, fears, bruises, and traumas evaporate.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Don’t let this skewed version of it mislead you into thinking it should be seamless and easy and constantly full of light. Because it’s so not.

You don’t just arrive at self-love and then never struggle with it again. It is a consistent practice, an ongoing adventure, a forever journey.