What Happened When I Entered a Polyamorous Relationship

In January of 2018, I started dating not one, but two people. I entered into a polyamorous relationship with an established couple. We became what’s a triad: a configuration in which all three of us were dating each other, equally.

The relationship was unconventional, and beautiful, and challenging. But I loved it, even the messiness of it. I loved it so much, I decided to pack my bags in Ohio—the place I lived since the day I was born—to move to NYC to live with them.

That decision set off a cascade of events. There was almost never a humdrum moment. Some of it was joyful. Some of it was painful. All of it was awakening.

I really didn’t know what I was getting into, but, I mean...do we ever? 🤷‍♀️

It worked for awhile. And then it didn’t. One person left. And then there were two. That worked awhile. And then it didn’t.

I often credit NYC for breaking me open—and don’t get me wrong, it did. But, fuck, these two people broke me open in more ways than anything in my life ever has.

When I reflect back on how I’ve changed this past year, those changes all track back to them and my decision to be with them. They were highlight and very much the center of my 2018.

They pushed me in ways I needed, including the ones I wasn’t aware I needed. They loved me so much, it made ME love me so much. They showed me the world with a different lens. And through that lens, I saw things more clearly and with greater understanding. It brought questions. And lessons. It stretched me. It transformed me.

Devon then compared to Devon now isn’t remotely the same.

She’s smarter. She’s braver. She’s stronger. She’s bisexual. She’s monoga-mish. She’s sluttier (but with strong boundaries). She’s unapologetic. She’s weirder. She’s sillier. She’s louder.

She knows what she wants and asks for it, even when trepidation sits inside her. She operates from her own agency, standing powerfully in her autonomy.

She’s shifted into an entirely new way of being—something brighter.

And so much more herself.

And fuck, she is ever grateful. I’m grateful for them and everything they brought. 2018 was a was a life altering experience and a year I’ll never forget.

Thank you 2018. I’m ready to harness this potent power, this magic, this new way of being in 2019.

Happy New Year.

Love,

Devi