Unpacking My Trauma

I had a breakdown on Monday. I found myself riddled with crippling anxiety, brought on by the unpacking of trauma—from my childhood and past relationships.

Sorting through your baggage isn’t exactly a fun task. You’re recognizing restrictive patterns and limiting behaviors that need to be disrupted. You’re learning about why you are the way you are, why you do the things you do, why you feel like you need certain things. You might even come up on something you weren’t aware of before.

Through this unpacking, unfolding, unearthing—you’re processing a lot. Sometimes an insufferable amount all in one sitting, which often feels impossible to digest.

I get why people turn away for this process. It’s painfully hard, it’s uncomfortable, it’s unfamiliar. There’s no numbing, suppressing, blaming, or avoiding. You are forced to face the darkness, sit in the discomfort, take radical responsibility, and in a way—relive trauma.

I understandably get and relate to your struggle. I’ve experienced a tremendous amount of resistance the deeper I dive into my own healing process.

But, we must remind ourselves, in order to heal and grow past our confinement, it’s absolutely necessary. To feel is to heal. To face is to overcome.

Look at these things with curiosity, rather than trepidation and judgment. To know the pain is ephemeral. To realize light exists in these shadows. It’s a pathway to the highest expression and expansion of your being.  There is bliss, joy, and freedom past your suffering—but you must be willing to work through it.

I promise you’ll make it through and when you do, you’ll be transformed, renewed, liberated.

I believe in you and I love you.

​​Devi