Can You Love Others Before You Love Yourself?

There’s a saying, “You can’t love other people until you love yourself.” I disagree. You can. I’ve done it before, maybe you have too.

Loving yourself isn’t a prerequisite to experience love outside of yourself. And this notion in a way implies that you’re not worthy of love until you love yourself first and that’s just trash.

You are worthy of love, even when you don’t fully believe it.

Nevertheless, it’s very likely when the relationship with ourselves is dysfunctional, the dysfunction can manifest inside our relationship with others. It certainly did for me.

And I noticed the way I operate inside relationships now has transformed entirely because I’ve learned to love myself, too.

I put less responsibility on others to validate, reassure, and give me attention.
I’m secure within myself and because of that I’m more secure inside my relationships.
I set boundaries like a mother fucker and vocalize what I’m not okay with, because I know what I want and what I deserve.
I don’t chase or cling or tolerate disrespect and one-sided relationships.
People are in my life because I want them, not because I need them. I’m not co-dependent on others, like I used to be.
And when a relationship no longer serves me, when it grows to be toxic, I’ll walk away when with dignity, respect, and with a knowing that I’m worthy of so much more.

Loving myself has fostered healthier relationships and mad respect for myself to severe ties with those who don’t deserve the love I offer.

So no, you don’t have to love yourself first—but when you start too, it does allow for more love to overflow, for abundance, for harmony.

Self-love isn’t exactly ingrained in us and it’s totally okay if you’re not fully operating from that place yet. You still deserve love. Frankly, if anything, relationships can serve as a path to discovering that love for yourself. Whether it’s because someone punches the love into you and reminds you of your worth. Or, because one day you wake up and say whoa whoa whoa, why am I accepting this treatment? And realize, you have to love yourself enough to walk away.